Bumblers, that’s who. Oh how we loathe them.

“Alexis! How are you? How’s your mother?”

“Oh, actually she passed away a few years ago.”

“OMG REALLY?”

Tenchi Muyo

You may recall my saying there are two kinds of Bumblers. The humorous, and the serious. But what I failed to tell you is that while only certain individuals are Bumblers, everyone, yes everyone, is capable of a Bumbler Moment. This is when we say something truly asinine right after the brain reboots from terminal news. Understand the Bumbler’s speech comes from repeated attempts at intelligent thought in addition to any initial inflammatory statements. But for some who’s usually another member of The Uncomfortable, a pure Bumbler Moment is a quick draw duel to the death in which your brain attempts to kill the information given to it by shooting a chunk of lead with “OMG RLY NO WAY” etched into it.

I do not know why people do this. Perhaps it is because, as is too often the case, we are not actively listening to other people, and the shock from when information is finally processed slaps 50 IQ points clear out of our ear holes and goes with the brain’s set shocked response. Perhaps we hope in our heart of hearts it is a joke, or simply we can’t fathom people we know die. For whatever the reason, Bumbler Moments happen.

Which brings up the question of how a Teller deals with a Bumbler Moment.

“OMG REALLY?”

…No, I’m lying, in church no less! She’s right over there, third pew from the front.

Or

“NO WAY!”

YES WAY! Would you like to see her cast iron urn upside your head?

Or

Do the mature, responsible thing like Alexis actually did and say, “Yes, unfortunately.”

Pro Tip #14: Just like the Bumbler individual, people experiencing a Bumbler Moments do not carry any ill intent, and should be handled with patience and the understanding that the police will most likely not accept your Dead/Dying Parent Get Out of Jail Free card discussed in Pro Tip #1.

If you are the one who created the Bumbler Moment, don’t be too hard on yourself. It can happen to anyone. But, don’t not be hard on yourself, because you did say, “OMG REALLY” in a high pitched valley girl voice to a person whose parent is dead or dying.

Pro Tip #15: Everyone is susceptible to a Bumbler Moment. Beware.

Now that we’ve brought out our dead and discussed various conversations that can arise when doing so, let’s take a break before we delve into another multi-post topic. Next time on Progeny of the Dead and Dying: Nothing says, “My deepest condolences” like an assorted cheese platter.

http://weknowmemes.com/2013/03/im-sorry-and-my-bad-mean-the-same-thing-unless/

I’d like to start this post off by saying how much research I put into linguistics and human behavior regarding our present discussion, but in truth it was a seven minute google search reminding me why professionals pay for subscriptions to psychology magazines and the like. So for now we’re going to stick with what we got – a handful of people with dead or dying parents in a small geographical location that I happen to know. A.K.A. a convenience sample. To my high school statistics teacher, I’m sorry. Which conveniently leads us into today’s focus, progeny of the dead and dying saying “I’m sorry”.

Mathematics Pro Tip #whocaresthisisn’tablogaboutmath: Statisticians generally don’t find convenience sampling reliable. If you’re taking a test and it implies otherwise, it’s a trap. Probably.

Those who are uncomfortable with emotional situations, those who are prone to being overly polite, and those with exceptionally sensitive empathy sensors will find this happening more often than others. When the person receiving the terminal news says, “I’m sorry”, we respond with it in kind. “Oh no, I’m sorry for making you upset!”

Which, frankly, is ludicrous. It is absurd to reassure someone by apologizing for the death of your parents. Unless, of course, you had a hand in their demise, but let’s assume you didn’t give them cancer/heart disease/strychnine/etc.

But we do it. Why? It probably comes from a similar place the other person’s “I’m sorry” came from – bewilderment – and a desire to calm the individual. As previously stated, “I’m sorry” is simply the go to response, creating this ridiculous loop of “I’m sorry”s.

Now I personally struggled with the anxiety of blindsiding an unsuspecting person and throwing her off her day’s grove. For example with the Bank Lady, although I was initially prepared, I dreaded actually telling her. Whenever people became distressed, cried, or locked eyes with me, full of unstoppable sincerity, I said, “I’m sorry” out of sheer panic. But one day, with the help of others, I was enlightened. Just as getting blindsided is a part of life (Pro Tip #5), so too is this awkward situation. So now, while I still find myself saying, “I’m sorry”, I wholeheartedly appreciate it when someone has the sense to reply, “Why are you apologizing? You’re the one whose parents died.” To those select individuals, I thank you.

Pro Tip #13: Enjoy the ludicrous things.

Next Time on Progeny of the Dead and Dying: “OMG REALLY?” who says that?