I’d like to start this post off by saying how much research I put into linguistics and human behavior regarding our present discussion, but in truth it was a seven minute google search reminding me why professionals pay for subscriptions to psychology magazines and the like. So for now we’re going to stick with what we got – a handful of people with dead or dying parents in a small geographical location that I happen to know. A.K.A. a convenience sample. To my high school statistics teacher, I’m sorry. Which conveniently leads us into today’s focus, progeny of the dead and dying saying “I’m sorry”.
Mathematics Pro Tip #whocaresthisisn’tablogaboutmath: Statisticians generally don’t find convenience sampling reliable. If you’re taking a test and it implies otherwise, it’s a trap. Probably.
Those who are uncomfortable with emotional situations, those who are prone to being overly polite, and those with exceptionally sensitive empathy sensors will find this happening more often than others. When the person receiving the terminal news says, “I’m sorry”, we respond with it in kind. “Oh no, I’m sorry for making you upset!”
Which, frankly, is ludicrous. It is absurd to reassure someone by apologizing for the death of your parents. Unless, of course, you had a hand in their demise, but let’s assume you didn’t give them cancer/heart disease/strychnine/etc.
But we do it. Why? It probably comes from a similar place the other person’s “I’m sorry” came from – bewilderment – and a desire to calm the individual. As previously stated, “I’m sorry” is simply the go to response, creating this ridiculous loop of “I’m sorry”s.
Now I personally struggled with the anxiety of blindsiding an unsuspecting person and throwing her off her day’s grove. For example with the Bank Lady, although I was initially prepared, I dreaded actually telling her. Whenever people became distressed, cried, or locked eyes with me, full of unstoppable sincerity, I said, “I’m sorry” out of sheer panic. But one day, with the help of others, I was enlightened. Just as getting blindsided is a part of life (Pro Tip #5), so too is this awkward situation. So now, while I still find myself saying, “I’m sorry”, I wholeheartedly appreciate it when someone has the sense to reply, “Why are you apologizing? You’re the one whose parents died.” To those select individuals, I thank you.
Pro Tip #13: Enjoy the ludicrous things.
Next Time on Progeny of the Dead and Dying: “OMG REALLY?” who says that?
Progeny of the Dead and Dying 